Nesting and Noticing: An Alternative to the New Year's Resolution
- Deb Soszko, MT-BC
- 19 hours ago
- 7 min read
The new year often brings a series of songs, social media posts, and social pressure to make New Year's resolutions. As clinicians, change and growth are an inherent part of our daily practice; we hone our clinical gut, get better at musical skills, and manage our day-to-day clients. However, I find that trying to make 1-2 BIG changes as we weather the new year isn't always realistic.
In my case, the frigid temperatures of the Midwest often make us just want to huddle up in our comfort zones until the temperatures rise again. Some research has indicated that there are many biological reasons why the dead of winter is not the time to make large changes due to our physiological needs and our circadian rhythm being more focused on rest and survival rather than radical change (if you’d like to read more about that, check out the research cited HERE and a blog post HERE!).
I am proposing a reframe to the New Year's Resolution trend: “Nesting and Noticing”
How do you know what habits you want to change without noticing all the habits you already have? We do so much in a day between work, friends, family, errands, bills, hobbies, and those pesky chores like eating, cleaning our homes, and basic hygiene. The day fills up quickly with so many different tasks, it is overwhelming to think about adding another THING (30 minutes of exercise, learn a new language) or trying to remove something that has been part of our routines for so long (scrolling social media, ordering DoorDash).
How to Reframe a New Year's Resolution
As we do so often with our clients, we are going to start with where we are at now.
Step 1: Sit down and NOTICE what fills your day. Where do you go? What do you do? Who do you see? Are you indoors, outdoors, on a screen, behind the wheel?
Write it down in a notebook, jot it on a paper calendar, or type up what activities fill your day, brain-dump style.
You may want to make a different list for weekdays versus weekends, or as the seasons change. You can even get a free Habit Tracker on your phone and input your daily habits to track them and see what things ebb and flow over certain days or weeks of your year. Use your phone’s Digital Wellbeing settings to track how often you spend time on specific apps. You don’t have to do this daily either; make it as accessible to yourself as possible. Noticing is EYE-OPENING!
Step 2: After a month of NOTICING, ask yourself. What is serving you, and what isn’t? Declutter your schedule/habits into piles as they do on those home-organization videos. Label habits as those you want to Keep, Throw Away, or LIMIT. You may even want to donate or delegate tasks or items to a partner or friend to share the load of mutual tasks (laundry, grocery shopping, or planning gatherings).
Making dinner at home 3x a week? KEEP.
Texting friends every day? KEEP.
Doom scrolling social media for 3 hours? LIMIT to 10 minutes a day or throw away certain apps that bring the most anxiety or frustration.
Door Dashing 5x a week? throw it away or limit it and put the money you save toward future endeavors (vacations, new tech, or just fund that unexpected car repair that comes up...life WILL continue to ‘life’ 🙂)
With technology addiction being at an all-time high, you can utilize your phone's Digital Wellbeing app and take note of how often you unlock your phone in a day and how much time you spend in each app. You can set time limits on the Dashboard and limit how long you allow yourself to spend on an app each day before it closes out.
Step 3: In February or March, as those in colder climates defrost and we all get a little more daylight, THEN I recommend taking the next step: Bite-Size Changes.
One of my favorite books I've read about goal setting is "Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” by James Clear. If you don’t have the energy to read through a book right now, there’s a handy and thorough YouTube video available as well.
Here’s the gist: “If you're having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn't just you. The problem is your system. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again, not because you don't want to change, but because it is easier for your brain to stick with a habit than stop it. James Clear's solution is to change the systems you are using, mostly by changing your environment.
”Small, incremental improvements, or 'atomic habits,' can lead to massive
outcomes over time. If you improve by just 1% every day,
you will see significant progress over the long run."
Atomic Habits: From Big Steps to Real Resolutions
BIG step: Meditate more. Tiny step: start with 3 mindful minutes a day. Use the Calm app to find ready-to-go meditations as short as 2 minutes!
BIG step: Read more. Tiny step: read 3 pages in the morning instead of scrolling social media.
BIG step: exercise 30 minutes a day. Small step: start by doing 5 minutes of stretching or yoga before bed.
BIG STEP: Pursuing a new degree or skill. Tiny step: look up the cost and location/schedule of the class.
How to Keep it Consistent
1) Give your habits an easy Cue
Make it obvious (for good habits) or invisible (for bad habits). For example: put your water bottle in the space where you work; if it’s there in arm's reach, it’s easy to do. If you're trying to drink less soda, don't buy it at the grocery store and have it available at home. Perhaps only have it when you eat out.
2) Make your habit a Craving
Make the process attractive (for good habits) or unattractive (for bad habits). To help me walk every day, I have a book ready to go at my door, ready to be taken on my walk. I'm much more likely to walk for longer if I have a few chapters I'd like to get through!
Habit Stacking, pairing a habit you already have (making coffee in the morning) with one that you want to build (planning dinner), can get your goals off to a more successful start by pulling them into your already existing routine. If I want to get better at planning my dinner, I can place a notebook and pen near my coffee area and be more likely to use those tools to consider what I want for dinner and write down what ingredients I need as I wait for my coffee to brew.
My favorite current Habit Stack is to do lunges while I brush my teeth; I get a quick physical activity in, AND I'm likely to brush my teeth longer as well!
3) Set up a positive Response
Make the task EASIER for good habits and HARDER for bad habits. Set up your yoga mat in the middle of your living room; when you walk by it first thing in the morning, it's right there, ready to go - may as well do 5 minutes!
If you want to limit the use of an app, put it in a folder on the last page of your phone so it is just a bit harder to get to, or put a timer on that app so it shuts off access after 10 minutes. Some folks find that setting their phone to the Grayscale mode makes going onto their phone less enticing. Others might utilize something like the Brick to limit screen use further; allow yourself the time to try a few different strategies to find what works for you.
4) Set up Rewards
Make it satisfying (for good habits) or unsatisfying (for bad habits). My biggest challenge lately is staying focused on a task and keeping myself from unnecessarily scrolling on my phone. The Reward that works for me is the app Focus Friend:
In this free app made by Hank Green, a little Lima Bean character knits a pair of socks while a timer rolls. If you exit the app or stop the FOCUS before the timer is up, he drops his stitches, and the socks don’t get finished! 🙁 Every time you knit a pair of socks, you earn points to buy things to furnish the little Lima Bean’s virtual house. Start with a desk, hanging plants, a fuzzy rug, and eventually you can buy the Lima Bean a couch, book nook, and even a kitchen! It is SO satisfying to earn my little bean a coffee mug on his coffee table and so UNSATISFYING when I see I can’t afford the fuzzy cloud rug yet.
An unsatisfying reward would be having to pay your friend $10 every time you are late to a gathering. Not only do you lose money, but you also have another person holding you accountable to your goal!
Resolutions in Practice
So today, take the first, and most accessible, step toward change: just NOTICE. A new year doesn't have to be full of resolutions and lists. Take the time to reset, recharge, and recenter by noticing what is serving you as you enter a new year.
